http://www.liveto110.com/everything-you-never-wanted-to-know-about-coffee-enemas-with-nikki-moses/
yes this is the enema blog, i mostly agree with above link, just rereading for fun.
yes, i am in the poop.
I bring you the truth on my blog, my truth and it is what it is and i love sharing my journey.
i felt great empathy with old csn friends yesterday as my mortality hit me in the heart. Been hugging wife, kids and friends alot. Why ?
well cea 66 day before yesterday, up from 43 a week earlier, up from 37 a week earlier. The ca 199 levels match.
Last months operation rfa did not get me ned but maybe dead. Its stirred up a hornets nest i suspect, see the hunger games movie. Prof vogl wisdom is clear. Just gentle tace, we live and learn joyfully, all procedures have risks, some deadly and benefits some life saving. Gods grace allows these to be embraced. I will do the cleanup rfa if offered, nothing ventured nothing gained, but maybe in this case i gain prompt death. Might as well test my healing capacity.
yes possibly most aggressive growth based on ct and markers, this calls for aggressive german magic. Though dr glenn rfa guru may redo liver rfa asap. Thats my prayer, but again i fly 6th july for the next round in the cancer battles I have won the cancer war, i feel gods love, its just i dont want to meet him in heaven, i prefer his guidance and love on earth.
maybe still rfa die off, but likely aggressive post rfa growth, assuming the worst treating aggressively hoping for best. Ie school holidays just started, not diving but focused treatments, preparing family for extended absence. I hope not death.
why me? Poor me? Etc etc? Angry me?
But joyful and grateful me.
been in unusually angry place in the last day, i did witnessing my little angry play, i apologised to kids, to wife and friends.
my lord had his cross, i have my cross and you have yours. My prayer is to bare it joyfully, of course cure slips in.
the healing is good, but the ct and marker is telling to go and give wife space in new home with kids. I have scraped together funds, just enough and i will beg, pray and meditate across germany.
i will live, i will shutdown this deadly growth. Look at how much god loves me, look how fast i see the clear medical need, i fly 7 days.
i slept with son last night, watched shirlock holmes with daughter and gave wife big space. She slept old house with her garbage and stuff. I have booked final cleanup3 july old house, we must be out.
the double rent has pushed overdraft to limit.
i described myself as the joyful pressure cooker, i breathe the intense stress in my awareness out with each exhale.
my wifes refusal to approve a new 200k loan on our 10m of assets, i joyfully accept and respect. But i choose life before wife and i see that her thinking process will kill me.
i treasure being loved by her, the herbal teas, the brewed coffee for my enemas, she does so much to help, but she does not feel or see the risk of uncontrolled liver tumour growth as i do. I think of my friends with liver mets dead and alive.
i say, life bring it on. Going into ketogenic overdrive, dca, considering folfox wednesday, immunogenic.
organising financial separation joyfully if needed, i pray my wife detaches from objects and gets some compassion for me.
life is what it is, send prays not sympathy or money, but one angel will send me one goleic gcmaf to inject my liver with prof vogl. Asking immune biotech for compassion and goleic.
I am so blessed and I again hope to show the power of immunotherapies, alternative and breathrough.
only one way to see what god really wants, and that is to try not die?
when i had so much cash for treatments, i could not emphasise with my cashless cancer friends. Now i do empasise, without cash for expensive treatments i focus on free holistic.
all my wonderful german doctors will treat me compassionately, i am so blessed, I see gods love in there compassion. My wifes greed , her perceived need only highlights the love behind truly miraculous medical care.
we are called to a life of love, i witness that truth and ponder the balance of tough and compassionate love in all aspects of my life, particularly wife and long best interests.
the future i leave to god, today is ours my dearest friends.
A life with no fears, no fear of death and just tears of joy well its why i say thank you to god with each exhale.
an exhaulted place before death, my mum is joyfully living in a joyful nursing home, she gets pain managed for very late stage lung cancer, plays music and prays and gets mass and commubion daily. I told ger the truth that i have no stability, i have deadly progression, that i fly or die. She says fly do not die, do not see me. On her death bed, my medical need is first not her strong desire for a last hug, i try to fly via melbourne for a hug and kiss. We talk and pray daily, she is 1000 kilometers away physically, but her strong faith and love i my heart. What a mum! I am blessed to have had 2 great mothers. I suspect deep love is the source of the faith and hope that pervades my existence. This mum loved me so much, she let adoptive mum raise me. Its only the last weeks that i call her mum, thats how it feels, now, i treasure our calls.
remember yesterday, not a cent in bank again, bounced rent, mortgages etc. So the pressures of life, death, love and money are real.
How blessed am i? I do say thank you to my lord often for all my blessings and guidance.
our best is more than enough. Another day on the ball of joy. Enjoy yours.
if you see only pain and suffering, then close your eyes, breathe out thanks and inhale opporutinity. Its in that breathe alone that we have existence, and our will. Open your eyes and see gods glory. I hope you can.
i breathe in joy, and out thanks, the immense pressure i feel, i replace intense pressure with the deepest love at the opportunties before me, indeed before us all.
its all about love, its all about god. My god is jesus, but any real god based in deep love will do. I see the love and compassion in my atheist, hindu, budhist and islamic friends as well as my christian friends.
god is everywhere if we truly look. Are you looking? I feel him in everything in my existence.
my daughter had excellent reports from teachers, 8 out of 200 for maths and every teacher said enthusiam. I smiled deeply. My son 8 and daughter 12 cooked tacos for dinner for us all and my best friend helped me in my darkest and angriest hour unpack boxes of wife rubbish and organise rubbish.
thank you god for cea 66, thank you for my greatest test, if its my last so be it.
but i have faith, particularly in you and all those white blood cells.
dear lord, open all my doctors eyes and hearts so i can have more life to help others if i can, your will be done,
your will is awesome as indeed this life is.
amen!
