I woke just before 7am alarm and thanked god another day, a big day today, I cannot sleep in for these appointments. Even with so little sleep i am really alert.
I was awake till 3am reading and thinking, nerves and peace at the same time, reading yoga science and others kundalini experiences. I skyped a brave friend and encouraged them and offered love. I prayed for my wife, kids and all my friends. So much healing is needed everywhere i gaze, i see so much energy wasted everywhere i see.
I feel like a fish out of water away from the ashram, but i am so grateful to my friends, to dr siebenhuener and the nurses, to dr stock. I feel kindness everywhere, i am blessed.
I said a soft good morgen to my wonderful friends and to one of the angels, the oldest angel, her smile always radiant and alive. These little moments precious as always, the best medicine.
I cleaned up my attic bathroom after my nightly, soak, enema and deep meditation, so as to not disturb the familys rest at night.
I got my gcmaf goleic from the basement fridge and more kind wishes for todays operation and i wondered about my liver and goleic treated only 2 weeks earlier, also did the pdt only last tuesday week ago work on the liver, the lung?
I do rely more on imaging now, on vogls keen eye since my meeting with prof ruggerio at the gcmaf clinic in switzerland. I wished they refunded me, when i asked based on there guarantee and my lack of response in february. Alas i am not in a fighting mood over money.
The drive to hospital was surreal. On the way I had some gcmaf yogurt, a square of 90% dark chocolate and mct oil, the taste lingered pleasantly and i skipped any breaky as fasting important, but i did have some map. The chemo agents may soon upset me, but its the lung today. Something new, what side effects?. I thought but i will activate my macrophages. i had my gcmaf yogurt, it will work it always has, such intense belief in a mouthful of yogurt, the the gut, my immune system. They through away my gcmaf at the ashram an oversite, they talked of ignorance, i sound so arrogant over my yogurt obsessions. So few share my faith, not my cancer friends, not my family. Even my wife let your cultures age, they failed, but will i?. Thats the way of life, with my faith, my obsessions and my survival.
Yesterday I strolled through the shopping center feeling like an alien, i realised how unlikely it is that my therapies would help the average cancer patient. I hope big pharma delivers something for the masses, but i suspect they are looking for curer in the wrong places. Alas i cannot fit the cancer world in the ashram. Maybe the can become an ashram. Now thats a big dream.
I parked in the same spot, maybe this early bird will get the worm, today.
The sky and clouds extra vivid, like from a movie, from another dimension.
Step by step, i walk peacefully, not fast, not slow. These were the same clouds, yes the clouds that jesus ascended into, i looked up into the clouds looking for jesus and felt him close, beside me and within. More courage and less fear, my constant prayer, that is so wonderfully answered and of course more healing. A metastatic journey without god, now that is challenging. I am blessed to have a deeper spirituality at what maybe the apex of my healing journey.
I entered the big hospital and who is walking down opposite me on the stairs, i noticed other people looking at me. Prof vogl sees me across the building. YOU LOOK GREAT. Again his miracle has made an impression, i seek to make good impressions, good intentions all around. ITS A VERY VERY GOOD OMEN.
I booked in at hospital reception, as usual. I paid prof receptionist, some the credit card worked, but for the last time i suspect. My secret stash of euros gone, but have they been wisely invested?
So can prof vogl judge a book by its cover? Or a patient progress by there look?
