day 2 cimt 2013, its raining in Mainz, not rain but tears CEA 23 recurrence 2, here we go again, oh what JOY!

its 7pm, i am sitting in the lounge before the social dinner crying pulling myself together. 

I am watching 500 scientists and doctors relaxing and drinking. the band is getting ready. the only person here with cancer. 

I just got my latest cea is 23 up from 6 and  ca199 92 up from 50, i am back in the game, lets call it recurrence 2

i never said survival would be easy, but dam this is hard work, how can i save the world if i cannot even keep my own ass out of the fire.

dont worry i have organised another vaccine shot for friday day after this conference and chemoembolisationtace next week.

we all new how tentative non surgical remissions are, I knew in my heart i had more bravardo than substance, I hoped my remission would last. hecki have said enough prayers.

i am so sad, not for my own challenge, but for what i have heard today. 4 colorectal lectures specifically, amazing science, amazing clinical studies and techniques.

20% long term stage 4 survivors who are inoperable using vaccines. I met an oncologist who is also expert on all the therapies i have had and more.

thisonc who did a 40 person colorectal vaccine trial said yes to all my life style stuff, especially the weight training and muslce for the immune system, its called being immunocompetant. now we need antigens to stimulate this. 

my criticism of the standard of care has been supported by everything I have learnt here, and I no it means no options but the standard of care, that fact we have to be late stage 4 for clinical trials is criminal for immunotherapy. we need these therapies at our earliest stage of recurrence, and even post surgery, but noone is doing this type of clinical study. and we just keep on dieing. the only way we will fix this problem is patient action, but we have our cancer. 

this situation is tragic, I have not met one immunotherapist who disagrees with me here. 

there will be an immunotherapy revolution, but does it have to be this bloody ? the answer is YES. we should not be forced into trials with placebos, stage1 stuff, we need the absolute best personalised medicine available. its tragic only those with money, willing to fly to germany can access it. its the same old story i have been going on with.

whati have done it the future, our salvation, i am certain of nothing more. these scientists and doctors will save many of us. Our challenge is to live long enough for there therapies to reach us.

I have to focus on my recovery and more intensive therapies. How freaky to this news at this conference. maybe god works in mysterious ways. 

tonight I will network my ass off with every immunotherapist in the room, failure is not an option, I may die from this curse, but it will not be for want of trying. but does it have to this dam hard.

How do I tell my wife and kids ? we had such a great month here exploring Germany.

hugs,

ifyour interested in day 2 , just read the abstracts

ps I wrote a speech last night before the news, I wont be asked to deliver it to the conference, but at least i got my feelings down on paper.