Its hard to put a value on your own life. I have been doing my financials, tax returns for the last 6 plus years over the last few weeks, and cleaning up my affairs so to speak. a huge burden has been lifted and continues to be lifted.
Well I have finally downloaded the statements from credit cards, travel money cards and I have a pretty good handle on what my most recent trip, supposedly my cheapest and it was budget.
As the cost of this amazing medicine hits home, I am shell shocked, I have always been focused on the result, not the actual cost. I have been reading journals, rather than credit card statements. i have not let money, but my unfeterred clinical wims direct my therapy. thats kind of been a bit more balanced on this last trip. no spending money on test of questionable value, i did that earlier for completeness. maybe to help some researcher or doctor who be interested in my success. no one really was in detail, bar me. oh my doctors are interested from a clinical management point of view. but after the consult the tests ongoing value is worthless.
I am just going to sleep on this reality, i will put up on the blog the costs, sooner or later. it may be a scary post, but then its the truth, its been done and I have a better chance.
All my doctors have been suggesting I become a cancer consultant, that i get professional, fix up this blog. The truth is, this might be the way I actually earn an income to stay well, to stay in the treatments, and to not live hand to mouth. I am just forshadowing a possible future, i will meditate on it. I will make more money then selling grass, which a kind friend suggested, the medical kind.
I have said ultimately its all about the money. today when I have seen the astronomical figure, I think its more about money than hope. So I contradict myself from yesterday, but maybe not, if I hope for the money to save my life. Well then hope is the key factor again.
Life is so good, we must survive, and live very well. I feel some regret that I have never worried about cash until I ran out of it. But I have been very relaxed and joyful while spending the fortune, not getting anxious of the money, i think is key, being awhere of good value and taking daring clinical risks, well its all a part of navigating my cancer maze.
love to all,
Pete
Well I have finally downloaded the statements from credit cards, travel money cards and I have a pretty good handle on what my most recent trip, supposedly my cheapest and it was budget.
As the cost of this amazing medicine hits home, I am shell shocked, I have always been focused on the result, not the actual cost. I have been reading journals, rather than credit card statements. i have not let money, but my unfeterred clinical wims direct my therapy. thats kind of been a bit more balanced on this last trip. no spending money on test of questionable value, i did that earlier for completeness. maybe to help some researcher or doctor who be interested in my success. no one really was in detail, bar me. oh my doctors are interested from a clinical management point of view. but after the consult the tests ongoing value is worthless.
I am just going to sleep on this reality, i will put up on the blog the costs, sooner or later. it may be a scary post, but then its the truth, its been done and I have a better chance.
All my doctors have been suggesting I become a cancer consultant, that i get professional, fix up this blog. The truth is, this might be the way I actually earn an income to stay well, to stay in the treatments, and to not live hand to mouth. I am just forshadowing a possible future, i will meditate on it. I will make more money then selling grass, which a kind friend suggested, the medical kind.
I have said ultimately its all about the money. today when I have seen the astronomical figure, I think its more about money than hope. So I contradict myself from yesterday, but maybe not, if I hope for the money to save my life. Well then hope is the key factor again.
Life is so good, we must survive, and live very well. I feel some regret that I have never worried about cash until I ran out of it. But I have been very relaxed and joyful while spending the fortune, not getting anxious of the money, i think is key, being awhere of good value and taking daring clinical risks, well its all a part of navigating my cancer maze.
love to all,
Pete