So its 5pm, oncthermia and infusions all day, again. I say again out of another day in the last 5 years of treating this illness, but I must be grateful as all around me are fellow metastatic patients dreaming of my result, alas they have no idea of the real cost , effort and I guess joy that comes with this journey. Maybe my new friend sun gets a.glimpse through her yellow eyes. So many women taken by late stage liver recurrences. I wonder is the hope I see in there eyes false hope, is my very presence cruel, taunting, these thoughts echo the concerns of my old cancer survivors networks friends. That's along time ago now.
Maybe all hope is good, it really all comes from god. I hold a hand, give a squeeze, maybe the miracle is infectious, maybe not, its a pleasant thought to dwell on.
I meet the bravest patients at dr herzog today, some kind doctors and nurses and the most amazing receptionist. I shared my joy at my result today.
My hands are yellow from the leaked curcumin, accidents happen all the time to me. Just found out b17 illegal in germany now. So the excellent doctor at herzog told me, they have there miracles here like hallwang, like all over germany.
I met a mum from the uk, with liver mets, with 2 blonde angels, she broke my heart, as did the chinese lady having her abdomen drained every few days, as did the lung cancer battler. The metastatic suffering and heroism is what touches me.
But I have to let it go, I must heal, I need peace, I go to the world famous salt baths, right now.
The birds are really singing here, life is good. Did I thank god for this latest result. You bet ya I did.
HOW DO I FEEL
Relieved and overjoyed, excellent ndv response
EMAIL TO DOCTORS
Tuesday Cea now 91, down from 158 in a week, 119 the same fall, crp 2.8
This is one day post double ndv tae oncothermia
Only ndv, onvothermia and you, great news,
Feeling fantastic after the biggest day.
Yesterdays pre tace markers show full ndv results.
Next monday morning shows chemo tace gcmaf ipt result.
Thanks doctors.
SO MANY IMPLICATIONS FROM THIS BIG FALL, I AM PROCESSING, BUT ITS WONDERFULLY POSITIVE, THE TURN AROUND SPOT, THE BEST, THE 9TH BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
Will I live or die?
this time I treat until cea 0
I love magnolias, my mum got me one for my 18th birthday, we planted it together, she died soon after that. Memories linger, like my other mums music. Flowers at herzog took me back in time to sydney so many years ago, and I am in germany so distant from my family. Our thoughts are amazing if you reflect on them.
I did 6 hours of the heaviest sauna therapy tonight, detoxing from the chemo yesterday.
Our memories only linger while we live, while we share.
