This is so beautiful from one of torkels friends. .
Dearest brother Torkel, thank you for everything!
Today is Torkel's funeral and I and family are in Thailand. In my morning meditation so much gratitude came pouring through me thinking about you, beloved brother Torkel. You feel as present as ever, so alive, but on other levels than the physical. ...Levels you always moved so freely and happy in.
In my meditation, I noticed that whenever I go into the belief that you are not here anymore energy stops flowing. But when I open myself to the truth that what we are is never born and never dies, blissful joy,creativity and deep stillness just becomes so clear and present.
We sent this lantern to celebrate you beloved friend. I know you are more alive and more free than ever. Free from the limitations of this small body! Fly like an Eagle!
Thank you for showing me Who I Am! Love You!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHpA6qotiwg
5 h later: I took the children to the beach to swim and about 1 hour ago just after I entered the water I looked up and a huge eagle just came flying in the sky. He made this amazing dance for me, just riding on the wind then diving into a tree and out... so playful so much Torkel! I was standing in the water shouting "Look there is Torkel!" and he just responded flying back and forth closer and then further away, up and down. Then he was just gone.
We are like eagles in the sky just passing by in this life and then gone. What remains is the sky. Thank you dearest brother Torkel for keeping on showing me to celebrate life and Who I truly am!
MY DAY
8AM YOGA VERY WONDERFULLY CHALLENGING. I COULD BARELY STAND BUT MADE GREAT IMPROVEMENT.
STARTED 9AM AQUA AEROBICS BUT DAUGHTER INSISTED WE GO 1MILE BEACH WITH BIG GROUP OF FRIENDS I RELENTED AS I WAS DEBEEDLED FROM CHEMO PORT SO WE ENJOYED SUN SURF AND WAVES. THE BEACH WAS BUZING AND THE WAGE RIDERS PUT ON A SPECTACULAR EXHIBITION. THE FAMILY PLAYED IN THE BIG SURF I GOT TUMBLED AND RESTED AND TUMBLED AND SOON STARTED TO COOK IN THE HOT SUN. I HID UNDER A TOWEL. I WARNED WIFE AND KIDS ABOUT BURNING. THEY HAVE DEAF EARS LIKE MY CANCER FRIENDS . I SMILE AND THANK GOD AND PRAYED UNDER MY TOWEL SHELTERING FROM THE BURNING RAYS.
WE HAD A BIG BRUNCH BUFFET AT CLUB AND THEN 2PM VITAMIN C AT HOSPITAL ABD 3HOURS SLEEP FOR ME WHILE MAGIC HAPPENS.
ITS A MIRACLE IM SURFING LAUGHING DOING YOGA SAUNA SHARING PRECIOUS TIME WITH FAMILY AND KIDS AND FRIENDS.
THEN DINNER BY THE WARF WITH FRIENDS AND PELICANS AND A GLORIOUS SUNSET.
THIS KIND AND WONDERFUL COMMENT BELOW.
THE CHRISTIANS ARE GONE. THEY HAVE BEEN HERE EVERY YEAR SHARING OUR PRECIOUS HOLIDAYS. THEY ARE GONE. I KNOW NOT WHY. MAYBE THE RAIN. ITS GODS WILL NETHERTHELESS.
I RODE A BIKE THE 1KM RETURN TO THE WARF. IT FELT FANTASTIC.
DAY BY DAY MY STRENGTH AND FLEXIBILITY RETURNS. THE ACID AND STIFFNESS ANKLES TOES AND FEET HORRENDOUS. IM SURE ITS URIC ACID THAT I'VE HAD A TREATED BEFORE.
MY BODIES RESPONSES PREDICTABLE MOSTLY.
SO THIS COMMENT
lordoftruth (http://lordoftruth.livejournal.com/) has left a new comment on your post "Cea 250 ca199 386 steady and falling. Amen and pra...":
I've been following your trajectory for five years, it's been very courageous and unique. But, it's not working. You really should STOP! Give your body a rest. Come to New York City, go to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and get on with the best cancer treatment in the world. It'll be less expensive too. JUST STOP NOW.
MY BIG RAMBLING ANSWER
So i watched FRIENDS CLEVER BRAVE on csn colonchat and colonclub all die trying msk and the best USA offerings indeed around the world . Ive met all the best USA immunotherapists and they cannot believe what i have done. What i have achieved. I describe rat experiments and concepts to these gifted scientists. But there focus is science. Publications. Fame grants. They listen and we return to discuss affinity and specificity of tcr receptors. They have the same tunnel visions as the oncologists. They are prisoners to there limited very limited concepts. To the dogma do no harm. Which with informed consent i reject as a palliative genius. When you cut all red tape and conventional limits im free to explore my healing potential and to do all harm. Yes the opposite of the medical systems cash cow. Ill do as much harm to my tumour cells as possible.
I cringe at the ignorance and cruelty of scientists and researchers leading the ignorant sheep to there painful slaughter.
Is it my wisdom that i live or my genius? Am i arrogant?
Am i selfish in not sharing my truth effectively?
Im blessed ive had noone to follow in my survival so far. I know gods been beside me each breathe and step.
The comment about go to msk . Id rather get a gun a blow my brains out now. No way. Ive got 100 lifetimes of research to complete based on the last 5 1/2 years.
My argument is i have done more targetted and effective experiments than any other metastatic patient. My intention is to live a very very meaningful life and help others and profit from my blessings.
Its simple. Ive taken the risks. Ive had the benefits and the costs. Ive shared whats really a priceless experience for those who want to live using similar strategies and values.
The newbies ie say stage 4 colorectal cancer. Well they joyfully suck down there first chemo with such hope. Really with baseless falsehope given to them by other well meaning ignorant but kind and loving folks and oncologists. They could start researching but it will be too little too late for almost all.
These newbies might follow the old survivors or the young noisy lucky ones. We'll all see ,those who survive this lifes treasures. Its ironic that the longer i live the more i learn from life, from pubmed , from you. This wisdom is exponential in a sense.
To move now so slowly step by step through this magnificent life like the knife falls so slowly through my thick a2 colostrum gcmaf yogurt.
The nurse just came in. So now the high dose vit c pumping it is DOING HARM RIGHT NOW TO MY TUMOUR. MY BLOG IS SO DIFFERENT. NO ONE'S SHARED DAY BY DAY. TREATMENT BY TREATMENT. EXPERIENCE AND EXPERIMENTS. This blog is my gift. Its a very rough diamond and i guarantee its unique and genuine and intended to do harm MASSIVE HARM to tumour cells and to greedy medical companies that put profits before patients to protect patents.
But its not my business or responsibility everyone elses journey. Ours is a duty to love god, life, our family and friends and to LIVE JOYFULLY Each second we are granted!
I wish the essence and value of my journey helped and reached those in need.
Maybe in this world of gloss and spin my experience a lot like jesus will be lost to the suffering masses. Not just the terminally ill cancer masses but the broader spiritually lost western society.
Ill walk a beach with dogs and kids. I might even hold my wifes hand. If i hold on long enough and tight enough and dont give up. Well she may not sign
My blessing has been to meet the best doctors the best scientists the best survivor's the most couragious friends. To witness this evolving unfolding miracle of life and death.
And here we are. I skipped 7am yoga. I sleptin till 10am a good 10 hours sleep. NO MIDNIGHT PEEING. A some sex in the morning which is indeed miraculous. Now its been a long long time and that aspect of my biology i note with interest and gratitude. The healing routine. The exercise. Sun surf food smoothies coffee enemas the supplements the drops the gcmaf yogurt.
My temp spiking 37.15 up half a degree. The secret mayo clinic trial im using far in advance. And im suggested to go to msk. If i wanted to committ suicide id go diving with great whites or climb everest. Maybe ill do both one day.
Im waiting for 60grams vitamin c in the hospital. This is day 9. Just boring vit c with a powerful lifestyle.
I did gcmaf yogurt enema lunchtime. I wonder i thats prompted my rapid immune activation.
I really pushed myself walking to the hospital today. My feet feel so tingly. I have some very small movement toes. Absolutely remarkable just like the sex.
The life extension cancer guidelines like their supplements as good a starting point as any
Say my entire last german trip 6 weeks with 2 dc vaccine 2 nivo 3 taces 1 microwave 2 weeks kiki. Metavectum. Rna dc vaccine preparation. Maintrac cetcs cell count. Conferences food travel flights cost me 60k aussie . That rrp not what i paid i cut costs and corners. I am blessed and grateful. I want doctors and scientists that respect my knowledge and experience and my desire TO HARM TUMOUR CELLS the do no harm only for all the dead palliative. Abd companies whose profits
I appreciate the kindness of comment and the intention. But i must listen and be informed by my dead friends efforts in the good old usa. Its so hard to accept your medicine for cancer is in the dark ages. The scariest fact is all the dead believe the lies.
Ill follow my god and my gut. Im doing another enema. My first rerum nebulizer and gcmaf probiotic yogurt and enema. With all the supplements and extras.
I would argue my treatments are not working. Look at the markers yesterday. The best in months of an inoperable uncurable illness where i suspect ill get clear pet and ct as vogl could not much.
Ive friends being treated by the best integrative oncs in the usa. Ill put my team against the usa crap any day of the week.
No ndv. No immunotace. Ive got more effective clinical options available in my box in my holiday unit than any center in all the usa. Did you read the kiki plan with ttf fields. Dc vaccine. Nivo with full adjuvanants. 40% folfox to destroy mdsc.
Even when my cancer immunoedits around past therapies god guides me to beat the shit out of it.
Msk aint even doing the crp immunotherapy timing model that the mayo is doing
I guess we will all keep on burying the cancet dead many who become friends lord of truth. I appreciate your concern and i wish i could achieve my crazy dream.
In some respects i have the biggest challenges in front of me in terms of my personal medical.
Its increasingly clear how unclear and largely unsuccessful my attempt to share the clinical rational of my therapy choices has been. The complexity of the interesection of metabolic immunotherapy cytotoxic and holistic concepts and practices well simply daunting. But as the doctors and scientists hide in there foxholes i must charge into the unknown future for there maybe hope. Its certainly not at msk or mayo. No ketogenic and no offlabels no dca is there therapy model. The soc this standard of care not simply murder in the first degree. Its done with intent to decieve and deception.
My lengthy and incoherent reply driven by the haunting images of children without parents. Partners without lovers. Of so many lives needlessly lost and the courageous struggles surrounding me and this debt to the future.
Ive relaxed my ketogenic diet the last few days trying to salvage muscle to rebuild from my poor ravaged body. Its ironic chemos destruction so much more graceful than the immunotheraputic terror and destruction. I worked so hard for what little muscle i retrained.
To piss it away so fast with so much pain a very valuable lesson. Ive weathered this nightmare storm and on the brightside my kidneys did not collapse.
These days of family love sun and surf very sustaining for the challenges ahead which harbour the joys of life and the bliss i feel.
One day a blog like chris below would be a dream with a team.
I dream of an army of terminally ill doing HARM with educated informed consent with many miracles .
ITS SIMPLE FIRST DO NO HARM IS JUST THE BIGGEST LOAD OF SHIT IVE EVER HEARD.