II had another shocker of ipt in frankfurt, unable to walk , barely able to talk. not able to have enough strength to open a bottle and plenty of pain, which i had forgetten comes with the cancer territory. I will write about it more fully later. basically I fixed myself in the hotel room that evening and was ok to eat a late dinner. the next morning i had another 2 hour thai massage in frankfurt only 60 euros, the previous cheapest was 80. then onto caracalla for a sauna and swim that was exciting. Then saturday night in baden baden with an orchestra and talented young stars, the best of whom had standing ovations and everyone was mesmerised by his passion for his music. it reminded me of my friend stephen who loved singing who recently passed. the passion and promise of youth. i was in the front row and i could see the joy on his face, this night would stay with him his entire life. to be apart of it wonderful. engaging in life is very healing, so is good music. the streets of baden baden were alive around 10.30pm, i had a relaxing drive home through the forest. the lightning was flashing. it was a magical evening.
the next day the sun was shining and I did a hike thorough the forest with another 1000 germans. shirt off getting lots of vit d naturaly and breathing that healing forest air in. so few in the clinic venture to the forest.
rona sent me this about forest bathing just what i have been doing. knowing the science makes me do more.
As my friend Dane says "it is what it is" so my short term flatmate Dave is really ill and is going home, he want to be with his son. they drained 1.8 litres from his lungs today. wheni visited he was in lots of pain and could not talk much. I said I would come back.
Another friend asked if i was coming home for my birthday, which was my dream. butaftern serious thought and realising how unforgiving cancer is, i will not take my focus away from healing for a second. this strategy also has implications for wanting to help others, as i realise time and enegy are precious, i have so much research to do and homekeeping. myfiling is a disaster
see the email below to a friend about going home, it says it all.
I really wanted to for Melanie birthday and mine, however I have almost gotten this second recurrence under control ie normal cancer markers and clear scans, so on the eve of this success I have decided to stay put, to meditate and pray and do minimum therapies and relax and be at peace and test my healing capacity, the forest is magical, I am on a super strick ketogenic diet and I need no distractions in doing the diet with 100% compliance. I have to know if its a factor in my remission. To that extent I am cutting back all non essential therapies to save dollars and also to prove that life style ie diet, exercise and meditation can with an activated immune system can defeat metastatic colorectal cancer.
I am feeling so well these days and having such a wonderful life, my blog does not tell half of the advenures an joy I am experiencing. So I will have plenty of other birthdays if my grand gamble pays off, even if it does not I will have placed all bets in my game of survival roulette. where the white ball stops nobody knows.
So the lesson learnt from recurrence 2 is to "not take my eye off the ball" the healing ball that is, I would be a fool to go go home now having been taught how fragile these remissions are, and yes the true nature of an aggressive metastatic cancer. All my blood tests are perfect, I am so proud of the last few months intensive therapies, my systemic inflamation is zero. I know alot of tricks to beat this cunning adversary, and so far I am prevailing. What so many with cancer fail to realise is the "sand is falling through the hour glass" you have to fight unfairly this lethal foe. Even when I sleep I am healing, having wonderful dreams. Most of my day I am living joyfully and doing calculated healing activities, it may seem random on the blog, but its all part of my healing master plan.
Maybe ellie and the kids can come over for a few weeks and we can all go walking in the forest, even a few nights sleep out and yes camp fires. They will do the ketogenic diet with me, it wont hurt them or anyone. But I will leave that decision for Ellie.
I have come to far to drop the ball now, and with money running out I will. Dont worry I can scrap up another million if I have to, but I would rather leverage all my resources here in Germany than stress Ellie out. I have a gift for making money, I am going to turn that gift into helping people with treatments and making money.
I already love my family with all my heart and sole. What I want for my birthday is 100% normal tumour markers and a clear scan. its possible..
abotcea, thanks rona I am looking at other measurements, so much research to do.
abotcea, thanks rona I am looking at other measurements, so much research to do.