I cried again when my eagle says this.
Smile my friends and not a tear of sorrow to wash away the dirt on the payment. But tears of joy ok. In fact joyful tears quiet precious because they embody the beauty of life.
FROM THE EAGLE. YOU SEE A FEW WORDS ALL THATS NEED TO UPLIFT OUR FRAGILE SOULS, RESTORE HOPE. A SIMPLE HUG, A SMILE, AN SMS, AN EMAIL MORE THAN ENOUGH TO SUSTAIN MY MIRACLE. SO WHEN THE VERY VERY BEST LOOK UP AND BESTOW PRAISE I BOW MY HEAD AND PRAISE GOD!
Oh what a fight.
TO THE GERMAN EAGLE
Thanks but equally oh what a life. You my friend give untold hope to so many. May i do as well. We have that in common. See you soon.
The imaging like a torch in a dark cave.
We will see.
But your eyes first. And what they have seeen.
Our planet quiet small really and fragile yet strong. Like us ill humans.
Cheers,
Pete
TO THE BRAVEST UNDERCOVER AGENT ONCOLOGIST
I seek to elucidate targets for prof vogl. These aggressive pesky tumour must go not grow.
Pet scan booked next tuesday
Liver mri primovist booked next wednesday
The recent endogenous dc vaccine experimental option a glorious failure, many reasons. My hypothesis lack of post operative ctla4 ie ipilumab .
The post operative vegf also maybe a factor. Can i see dr clarke as a one off. You are my main oncologist.
Sinscere thanks for fast response dealing with this explosive growth comes with the territory . I feel great and am ready for some heavy focused treatments.
This life so special. So wonderful. This existence like the bubbles my kids used to make. Im in this survival bubble and the gail is blowing me back to my work in germany. Its time for high powered dendritic cell.
My kids and wife need me.
Im suspecting liver as post icg pdt to liver often results explosion and thats rational previous open liver surgery 7 weeks ago.
I Do petscan tuesday.
Can i take 6 keytruda with me germany not mixed for 3 months holiday ?
Could you ask the liver guy about chemo direct to liver which is experimental offering at saint Leonards i think. This is based induction chemo.
Prof vogl is ready to fix.
Ive got
Cheers,
Pete
THE GREATEST CUT
Not surgery but hair, today my son stood up to my wife and insisted he have his hair cut he has been intensely bullied the last few months the school powerless to protect him
So I've been reflecting that my son is a man for what defines a man is courage and clear vision and my son has both and he is only 10 it gives me immense peace that as I struggle to save my life I see my son's life rich in wisdom and courage and compassion for his mothers illness but also the respect for her love
The haircut took an hour and an amazing hairdresser from Greece took away his nerves took away the pain of all the ridicule taunting and bullying and in its place and inner confidence that's simply reflected in a simple haircut but the truth behind this haircut is really quite incredible and that's a story for another day
But as my son's extremely long golden locks of hair fell to the ground he was experiencing the truth of the yoga traditions I seek to teach him where we let go of that which does not service in this life
The morning before I was fighting to retain custody of my children not from the wife but from the government I used all of my power and wisdom to retain my ability to love and teach them and it's worked
And ironically that evening I took my wonderfully challenging wife to the movie bad moms and we laughed and laughed and laughed the champagne easing her anxiety and a cappuccino keeping me awake as the stress of the last few days that I have felt has been the most intense of my life
And therefore I am at my strongest the combining of disastrous cancer markers and impending divorce and then the loss of custody of children more than a normal man would be but thank God I am not normal
So maybe my best efforts are not enough as a fridge with some rotten food maybe the trigger to destroy a family and a children's home. We all have our blind spots and at different times our illnesses
I marvel often at the exquisite timing of the delivery of God's grace closely followed by the courage strength and wisdom to act when needed
So I fly again soon to save my life hopefully to come back to my children and my wife all the ex-wife or whatever she is and maybe 2 new friends who seek to love a dreamer
Treasure my memories that I celebrate at my 50th birthday coming up very very soon and the measure of a man's life is often seen through his eyes over the years and imprinted inexorably on his soul
I've reminisced about finding my beloved dead adoptive father about my adoptive mother's courage to keep me and fight for me much the same way I have persisted loved and tried to help my magnificent wife.
And now I am strangely free to fight for my survival again and I wrote about the son of man and I do think of Jesus and Calvary and carrying his Cross and a similarity with this illness is that I constantly seem to have to carry my cross not up the hill but on a plane to Germany
But he carried the cross is not suffering it is truly a Joyful Mystery that most do not comprehend and if they did their lives would be Bliss
Some medical stuff the nature and extent of the recurrence or occurrences will be crystal clear on Tuesday 8 a.m. pet scan 2 p.m. ultrasound 3 p.m. MRI with primer vs contrast agent alas none of the advanced carbon dioxide contrast agents for ultrasound available in backward Australia god bless advanced German medicine
But we do our best in his back with little outpost we call Australia and I suggest you follow your heart and your brain and your research but don't follow me
Where the recurrence is have occurred will clearly show what components of the immune system have failed and shiner Spotlight on what could have and should have been done in the last 7 weeks
I go through this life and the energy and love I have is incredible beyond belief and I am the luckiest man alive
My young friend Madison is a genius she said I am an inspiration that touched my heart and therefore I am
So if I am an inspiration I am of more value then the entire pharmaceutical industry on the planet
Because what this world needs is Hope and love more than anything else and I am blessed to have those in abundance
So I am in desperate Straits and I leave my beloved family again
The love of my friends the love of god sustains me and I can guarantee that not a tier that run down my cheeks has been of self pity but only of joy
I've swallowed my pride I've been there a few conventional treatments here and they have been granted so my policy of never taking no as an answer has served me well but I clearly see how defensive our conventional health system can be and going forward I keep my pearls of wisdom very very close to my chest indeed close to my heart
As much as I desire to share the alternative therapies that help to save my life I know that the authorities here and in Germany read my blog and have been watching this is the era we live in when 60 police raid The Bravest immunotherapy in the world
It is indeed so ironic how capacity to either over or under react or to react at the wrong time
I am so very very proud of my son his courage and what he's learnt in fact as I start searching for my new wife or partner will bring him along as he is the Embodiment of The Best of Me and the worst. Today he had a lovely hot chocolate. I have a cappuccino he gently removed all of the chocolate from the top of my cappuccino saying I cannot have any sugar he then placed onto my wrist he is old hair tie and said I want you to flick yourself everytime you have a moment of weakness with regard to eating sugar he said it will kill you indeed he may be right but the love he demonstrated and the self discipline he seek to instill in me I treasure so I wear that her time but he lovingly placed on my wrist with much pride and an awareness that the ketogenic lifestyle needs family support
After our breakfast I took him to school late and I kid you not but the office staff for teachers fellow students everyone came to him and said you look amazing he wore the proudest smiles and had the biggest dimples I have ever seen and when he went to his classroom he walked through the door and they all started and they all started to applaud him. His courage is truly remarkable and that courage helped his mother sea the pain that she called him
So I write these blogs to crystallize these profound and intense feelings that I experienced as I never never know when it will be time to go
The son of man and the man of son
So you may dwell on this title and the man of son to me is simply a man with the love of God in his heart
I think the last words that Jesus said was it is done and they are the words I sent my wife with respect to our marriage vows and with respect to the haircut and I'll never stop loving her.
