Happy 2015.
So its mum funeral in a few hours, I can say a few words about her faith in god, her strength, her persistence, her perseverance. So many of her family isolated and attacked her, I don't buy into there stories, indeed sagas. I buy into just my own, as her son she loved me, I delight and relish her love and her prayers. I was blessed to enjoy her love. So many wasted what was her love, of course human love is imperfect, it is, what it is.
Was she perfect ? No, was she a great mother to me ? Yes, she permitted me to stay with my forster parents, when I was 11. She respected my choice as child, I remember the conversation vividly. As does my oldest sister from my mothers side. To me this permitted security of love of eileen my forster mother. Who is mum1. She died when I was 23 and then time and love occurred and I have another close parental motherly relationship. Its rare in this life too have 2 mothers unconditional love. its most definitely a factor in my survival.
The point for my eulogy is ans, mum2 loved me so much, she left me with mum1. She put my best interests first I suspect she learned first hand from my other sister tessie experience, who was effectively ripped from her forster family. She committed suicide when I was 18, while I was on a 30 day outward bound survival course. I was very close to my bigger sister. Then my older brother also suicided. These horrendous family tragedies shaped the family dynamic and continues to do so. With both my fathers deaths, both named keith, my sons name in their honour, well. With my siblings deaths, and then my mum1 death. Well by 23 I had lost 5 very close family members. So this shaped my perspective on life, on energy, on survival. And potentially my ethical. But ruthless business drive.
My mum2 ans by necessity endured these events, coped with mental illness around her, she found strength in her catholic faith and joy in her piano music. I so loved listening to her play. I looked at my grand piano the other day and cried, the world will never hear her make such magical sounds, out of her rich suffering I see so much beauty.
She flew up to support me during my chemo 4 years ago. We never imagined she would never get her chemo, she was too weak. She died from her lung cancer.
She prayed for me, I prayed for her. While I fought for my life with every resource, she endured her cancer.
I have mentioned previously a few key points in mums cancer journey, no point recounting them now, just suffice to say, I respected her decision, about her treatments. Alas I suspected the conventional death before her, that she endured so bravely. But her decline and the successful treatment of my lung mets was painful, but unavoidable.
I respected her treatment decision, she respected my choice of mother as an 11 year old. Each choice based in love and good intention.
She went to god on his birthday, xmas day noon., no coincidence I am sure. Somehow I gave her delight in my desperately deep catholic faith, its a precious gift I appreciate.
We did a few rosaries by her bedside in the amazing catholic nursing home where express pass to god was to be fullfilled.
I love you mother, thank you for this life, thank you for the gifts you bestowed on me. The greatest is faith.
I am certain gods love is real, that that awareness unpins my survival, and continues to do so.
Of course these are my views of my mothers life, some around her would not like my public statements. But this is my blog, my story, to me my mother deserves recognition, I give it hear.
Someone else delivers the eulogy, I wonder if it reflects these aspects of her life, that shaped my own, and indeed contribute to my own survival and hopefully yours.
Medically back on 1000mg xeloda, breaky dinner and full supplements. Going hardcore into ketosis, kids doing sugar free. The photos are a joyful, sunny day puffing billy steam train. While kids and cousins hanged legs out the windows, I called and got cea result. God keeps on challenging me, on educating me. The last dc vaccine a dud, doing a scan in 3 weeks, formulating strategies, always seeking complete remission. What's the source of the new growth, is it spleen, or lung?
I suspect lung based on recent coughing.
I have 2 mothers and 2 fathers in heaven, praying for me. I am blessed, tomorrows funeral joyous to me.
Rest in joyful peace mum. Help me get back into ketosis. I have slackened off over xmas.
I need discipline and fanatical strength and determination. Germany is calling, again, trip 8 here we go again.
May god grant us health and prosperity and happiness in 2015.
