The burden of my dieing friends will kill me. I am the selfish rat. I pray and let go. Never expect an answer from me
I reading aggressive emails from desperate caring wonderful people. My few readers.
I am so fuccckkked. I see the absolute ignorance of the scientists of the doctor and arrogance in most. Maybe in my self. My friend says I'm judgemental. My wife I'm just a bastard.
I cringe and weep and they say so much . I listen. I say you think you know but you kill without hesitation and awareness. Deliberate ignorance and arrogance and pretence.
You see I know so little about the specific nature and character of my illness. The dna mrna cell surface markers.
I these conferences I see no respect for the dead. The dieing. I see far more arrogance than compassion.
As I learn more and understand much of my miracles I see the necessity to share but an really unable.
Oh I need published data they say. Well they can mix water with my ashes and publish that.
So tonight I deal with demanding friends. In my heart the stress is killing me. As I read I think oh my god the half life salinomycin is 4 hours. Now I waited for these crippling wonderful sides effects to diminish. But the Window of synergy with xeloda is closing. My doctor does not even know this. So I somehow can now walk. I get xeloda do my methadone.
Yesterday I was the gcmaf superhero at the conference tonight I am the shaky guilty rat. How do I control how others misrepresent my success without loosing access to drug, therapies and support. I say and share my truth here. I'm luck few of my doctors read this.
So it's very very simple. I share my research my experience as much as I can. You read think and do your best and you take responsibility for your fate as I do mine. You may need to find doctors you trust. It's your business not mine.
By all means post these questions. Maybe another reader can post an answer. The clue about il2 and melatonin I liked I want to research.
The answer to Anna question is I use a lot of map. So the cimetidine acid reduction does not effect me as I have map. You can supplement betaine hydrochloric acid. But this question should be answered by any good naturopath or nutritionally awareness doctor. But they are extinct like the dinosaurs. The red tape meteor took them out.
My amazing Dr rafter is now a health coach. I owe him and many my life. To be rejected by an ignorant deadly criminally neglect health system the ultimate compliment. You are my hero and always will be. You will go to heaven and most of the doctors will go to straight to hell.
To blame the system and government the doctors excuse. And we just suffer and die.
My final advice.
Learn fast and pray. These enormous challenges may help me get into politex. But maybe I'll go scuva diving .
I wonder if my dead friends read the blog in heaven.
The shaky rat with nerve damaged hands still types and answers.
I am very very mortal, so are you, cancer is very very tricky.
So I need more exercise and less blogging. It's not that I don't love. Just cancer tricky. And hif hypoxia inducible factor controls 4000 oxygen sensitive genes. I must walk not write and sleeps anti inflammatory.
But on a happy note we have to be alive to have these earthly challenges
Tonight I'm just a sick rat. But still joyful. Of course the ultimate answer is prayer and I suggest you listen for the answers
But ask away. Email with demands. I'll read skim or delete. The irony tonight is at my sickest ever I get the biggest demand.
That my angel friend has been so let down by doctors who pretend and puff up chests. Makes me smile. This is our reality.
I think my dream to go to hamburg and look for my answer. The needle in the haystack. A very very big haystack.
Again to be abused and accused the privilege of the living