SAVING THE DOG
http://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/types-of-cancer/mesothelioma.html
everyday a new challenge! not sure how, but im onto it, starts with prayer. Toby our dogs is apart of the family. the kids and wife will not put him down, they look to me, i look to god! and then science. Real science not whats floating around the internet!
the science of survival! whatever the heck that is!
im so off line, i dropped the phone in the bath, its great!
I am the boxer who cannot count and still keeps climbing to his feet, I mean business, thank you qantas! for another last minute upgrade to business class all the way to Frankfurt, instead of arriving Friday afternoon an missing treatments until the monday.
Now I arrive Tuesday the 30th August, and have an operation 8am wednesday and I can do my precious IPT at Dr siebenhueners Wednesday Thursday and Friday
You may cringe as you hear the boxing umpire say "9", and you say "stay down, let go of this life pete" you have suffered enough and tried enough. But then with every fibre of my existence I gaze at the ropes and I know, I have to have a go, another go, my opponents to slow. This old dogs learnt new tricks and these team of young fighters, these countless metastatic tumours have no clue about the immunological rain of terror that will totally destroy them. Its that confidence, that vision that helps me endure the pain and jump to my feet, my nerve damaged xeloda feet. Maybe my old dog Toby deserves life as well. Our loyal and beloved dog has inoperable lung cancer and had his lung drained, my daughters crying and the dogs sleeping on her bed, not dead yet.
A very strange parallel between my fate and my dogs. I wonder if Toby can have Xeloda. Im driving my sick dog to Sydney University Vet hospital as my friend Darren the Vet said they have to drain his lung. Ill give him some NVD, ive still got a few tricks up the sleeve.
But but but, have I taken my eagle eye away from cancer for that fraction too long, so that it will take my life, like all my friends, so quickly. Im shutting down the tumours as we speak, screw them to hell.! from almost tumour free, to riddled with the little forkers ( fcukers ) . This is at least a 2 million dollar screw up as Im back to so close to death its not funny.
drivings been getting challenging. I pray before each trip for safety, especially when driving the kids. They refuse the wifes car, maybe they like the excitement of driving with Dad. I thought they were just praying and meditating and I was teaching them well. when I realised in a moment of clarity they closed there amazing eyes as they were shit scared on the road. Only joking its not that bad yet but Ive had close calls. I guess often what we see, is what we want to see and not whats really there!
I always come up with these analogies and puns in my titles, they give me strength, focus and hope. also often a precious smile.I really treasure each smile. when i smile now i laugh into to my liver, a qigong basic. Each smile, like each breathe, like each sound echoes in the hallways of my mind. One of the dogs walking up the hallway, I say come into the office. He does!
A few of my dearest friends say now keep your clinical pearls of wisdom to close to your chest, but I really feel them in my heart, my pearls, my wisdom is far more than intellectual immunotherapy theory, my lessons are in every tissue and organ of my body. I knew in my heart the braf experiment was scat, bat poo but i followed my doctors lead thinking i was invincible. That may well be true.
I place stability on a new pedestal, only stgae 4 will really appreciate this!
So this massive challenge indeed holds the seeds of my greatest success, my greatest test of myself, the medical team, the scientific team and my friends. I wonder if these aggressive reccurences is gods will to say die you persistent troublemaker, or is its gods way of truly purifying my soul by suffering and challenge. I prefer the latter of course, and preserve by will my concept and unshakable belief that my god is a of love who teaches us often very painful lessons. And that the agony incurred reflects there value, so these challenges are therefore priceless to me.
I dont need to look to help others, when i look at my own bloods and scans Im in critical need, my time on the planet very limited if god decides this time to cheerish his miracles and give them to another. In that context I maybe considered very greedy, indeed very needy as I continually ask and have previously been granted many exceptional miracles. All I can do is pray, I am certainly desperate enough to ask for your prays and kind wishes. I very very humbly extend my sincerest thanks for all the love and kindness I have recieved from friends, readers, doctors, nurses, therapists, strangers whose lives I touch. These encounters whether acknowledged here or there occur everywhere I go.
Even the kind hearted qantas lady just got me a frequent flyer flight out on the 29th in business class. Hence the joke I mean business this trip. But you know the focus and dedication I apply when in Germany, Id hoped this trip I could relax at home and really enjoy family life and all the strife. but its not to be for me. I take my eye off the ball for a second and my chess playing friends finds a weakness and goes relentlessly for my fragile precious jugular. I know from my oncologist and prof vogl immediate response Im in the poop, drowning in it.
In some respects I reflect back to being lost at sea, google me lost at sea. all those years ago, the whale without cancer, without a clue at the challenges before him swam towards a goal. With my perspective on humanity now, Im still swimming for my life, but more on a sea of exrement when I reflect on society, on medical care, on the messages overwhelming collective humanities conscious mind. I glimpse these horrors in the media. Both conventional and social media failing us, in a sense leading us astray, away from humanities crystal clear potential. In a sense I see that potential in myself and in others and that awareness drives my survival, and is ample justification for my irrational hope as I have seen the light.
We dont need to reinvent the wheel, the bible and its truths have been written, but how, what and where we apply such wisdom, well then i cringe and smile, so much opportunity for gods love, whatever that etheral concept is. I see it in the mirror, as I standing smiling, still here, still dreaming and hoping for health and love for life.
He the black prince,my nickname for the cancer has failed again, hes just to slow. I was relaxing but still watching the game. He showed his checkmate plans way to early and the counter act starts today. See Im up at 4am, cleaning the poop, researching, searching. Indeed woken by crystal clear knowledge of whats caused this latest drama. How amazing is our subconsious when we task it with our survival not our doctors.
My family sleeps, I feel there peaceful breathes. when she is asleep she still loves me, alas when she wakes my wifes regrets and my failings as perceived by her obscure her vision and render my boundless precious love like sewage down the pipes.
I know Im in the poop literally and metaphorically as my new koala cotton pjmmas are soiled from heavy chemo and or the imaging contrast agents of the last few days. I should have slept with the nanny, opps i meant nappy. We dont have a super nanny that cares for kids and dads with challenges in special ways in these incredibly wonderful precious challenging days.
I still ramble here, sorry but these challenges immense and unexpected. The hardest my daughters dears. How do I save our dog!
How do I save me!
My subconsious minds working busily over night solving my greatest problem, i woke with the answers as to why why why I may die.
Its 4am, so i clean the poop, literally and spiritually. My kind wife brings the napisan cleaner, the stain remover from the cold laundry downstairs. Im grateful for any and all kindness!
Our sick dog toby, survived the night, so no emergency dash to sydney university animal hospital, our fantastic vet and friend assessed toby yesterday and is exploring the cause of severe fluid in the lung cavities. He joked that we should try pete's cancer treatments on our dog.
My wife lets the dieing dog sleep with her but I am banned, I see some kindness in her actions but she is blind to the needs of her husband, another wonderful night sleeping with my son. The amazing yoga and qigong training allows me to store my boundless love and energy for other friends for another time. I remember what romantic love is, in fact I was singing a few nights earlier with a stunningly beautiful super mum with a very compassionate soul.
her daughter after dinner an angel described me as nice and smart. she joked that I need the complimnet of good looking to have 3 out of 3 highly desirable features. I joked back that with this cancer illness and the progression and my current challenge Ill take 2 out of 3 any day. we smiled and the warmth of love and care filled the car.
I joke that Im like the man lost in the dessert, dieing of thirst. Alas my wife has no water, but from the amazing friends god delivers to me I receieve unexpected kindness, indeed love beyond anything physical, thats impossible as Im back on high cimetidine alas to save my ass.
I really really thought my liver rock solid, 5 ultrasounds, 3 different operators and 3 times advanced contrast up to the day before massive open liver surgery, could see no activity,
That shows the truth, and how susceptible we are to inflammation. God what lessons to learn from my mistakes.
I look back and reflected. I begged here in sydney a few times here for post operative liver surgery care, from local surgeons. fork off they said in not as many words. I got my first appointment with australian surgeon on the 31st august, i begged the day after I arrived home on the 7th july. Compare that to the email to german doctors in yesterdays blog.
I sent that ereport from rpa hospital asap to the key players in german team, my inspirational friend gets back to within 4 hours I booked for surgery the 2nd september.
http://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/types-of-cancer/mesothelioma.html
everyday a new challenge! not sure how, but im onto it, starts with prayer. Toby our dogs is apart of the family. the kids and wife will not put him down, they look to me, i look to god! and then science. Real science not whats floating around the internet!
the science of survival! whatever the heck that is!
im so off line, i dropped the phone in the bath, its great!
I am the boxer who cannot count and still keeps climbing to his feet, I mean business, thank you qantas! for another last minute upgrade to business class all the way to Frankfurt, instead of arriving Friday afternoon an missing treatments until the monday.
Now I arrive Tuesday the 30th August, and have an operation 8am wednesday and I can do my precious IPT at Dr siebenhueners Wednesday Thursday and Friday
You may cringe as you hear the boxing umpire say "9", and you say "stay down, let go of this life pete" you have suffered enough and tried enough. But then with every fibre of my existence I gaze at the ropes and I know, I have to have a go, another go, my opponents to slow. This old dogs learnt new tricks and these team of young fighters, these countless metastatic tumours have no clue about the immunological rain of terror that will totally destroy them. Its that confidence, that vision that helps me endure the pain and jump to my feet, my nerve damaged xeloda feet. Maybe my old dog Toby deserves life as well. Our loyal and beloved dog has inoperable lung cancer and had his lung drained, my daughters crying and the dogs sleeping on her bed, not dead yet.
A very strange parallel between my fate and my dogs. I wonder if Toby can have Xeloda. Im driving my sick dog to Sydney University Vet hospital as my friend Darren the Vet said they have to drain his lung. Ill give him some NVD, ive still got a few tricks up the sleeve.
But but but, have I taken my eagle eye away from cancer for that fraction too long, so that it will take my life, like all my friends, so quickly. Im shutting down the tumours as we speak, screw them to hell.! from almost tumour free, to riddled with the little forkers ( fcukers ) . This is at least a 2 million dollar screw up as Im back to so close to death its not funny.
drivings been getting challenging. I pray before each trip for safety, especially when driving the kids. They refuse the wifes car, maybe they like the excitement of driving with Dad. I thought they were just praying and meditating and I was teaching them well. when I realised in a moment of clarity they closed there amazing eyes as they were shit scared on the road. Only joking its not that bad yet but Ive had close calls. I guess often what we see, is what we want to see and not whats really there!
I always come up with these analogies and puns in my titles, they give me strength, focus and hope. also often a precious smile.I really treasure each smile. when i smile now i laugh into to my liver, a qigong basic. Each smile, like each breathe, like each sound echoes in the hallways of my mind. One of the dogs walking up the hallway, I say come into the office. He does!
A few of my dearest friends say now keep your clinical pearls of wisdom to close to your chest, but I really feel them in my heart, my pearls, my wisdom is far more than intellectual immunotherapy theory, my lessons are in every tissue and organ of my body. I knew in my heart the braf experiment was scat, bat poo but i followed my doctors lead thinking i was invincible. That may well be true.
I place stability on a new pedestal, only stgae 4 will really appreciate this!
So this massive challenge indeed holds the seeds of my greatest success, my greatest test of myself, the medical team, the scientific team and my friends. I wonder if these aggressive reccurences is gods will to say die you persistent troublemaker, or is its gods way of truly purifying my soul by suffering and challenge. I prefer the latter of course, and preserve by will my concept and unshakable belief that my god is a of love who teaches us often very painful lessons. And that the agony incurred reflects there value, so these challenges are therefore priceless to me.
I dont need to look to help others, when i look at my own bloods and scans Im in critical need, my time on the planet very limited if god decides this time to cheerish his miracles and give them to another. In that context I maybe considered very greedy, indeed very needy as I continually ask and have previously been granted many exceptional miracles. All I can do is pray, I am certainly desperate enough to ask for your prays and kind wishes. I very very humbly extend my sincerest thanks for all the love and kindness I have recieved from friends, readers, doctors, nurses, therapists, strangers whose lives I touch. These encounters whether acknowledged here or there occur everywhere I go.
Even the kind hearted qantas lady just got me a frequent flyer flight out on the 29th in business class. Hence the joke I mean business this trip. But you know the focus and dedication I apply when in Germany, Id hoped this trip I could relax at home and really enjoy family life and all the strife. but its not to be for me. I take my eye off the ball for a second and my chess playing friends finds a weakness and goes relentlessly for my fragile precious jugular. I know from my oncologist and prof vogl immediate response Im in the poop, drowning in it.
In some respects I reflect back to being lost at sea, google me lost at sea. all those years ago, the whale without cancer, without a clue at the challenges before him swam towards a goal. With my perspective on humanity now, Im still swimming for my life, but more on a sea of exrement when I reflect on society, on medical care, on the messages overwhelming collective humanities conscious mind. I glimpse these horrors in the media. Both conventional and social media failing us, in a sense leading us astray, away from humanities crystal clear potential. In a sense I see that potential in myself and in others and that awareness drives my survival, and is ample justification for my irrational hope as I have seen the light.
We dont need to reinvent the wheel, the bible and its truths have been written, but how, what and where we apply such wisdom, well then i cringe and smile, so much opportunity for gods love, whatever that etheral concept is. I see it in the mirror, as I standing smiling, still here, still dreaming and hoping for health and love for life.
He the black prince,my nickname for the cancer has failed again, hes just to slow. I was relaxing but still watching the game. He showed his checkmate plans way to early and the counter act starts today. See Im up at 4am, cleaning the poop, researching, searching. Indeed woken by crystal clear knowledge of whats caused this latest drama. How amazing is our subconsious when we task it with our survival not our doctors.
My family sleeps, I feel there peaceful breathes. when she is asleep she still loves me, alas when she wakes my wifes regrets and my failings as perceived by her obscure her vision and render my boundless precious love like sewage down the pipes.
I know Im in the poop literally and metaphorically as my new koala cotton pjmmas are soiled from heavy chemo and or the imaging contrast agents of the last few days. I should have slept with the nanny, opps i meant nappy. We dont have a super nanny that cares for kids and dads with challenges in special ways in these incredibly wonderful precious challenging days.
I still ramble here, sorry but these challenges immense and unexpected. The hardest my daughters dears. How do I save our dog!
How do I save me!
My subconsious minds working busily over night solving my greatest problem, i woke with the answers as to why why why I may die.
Its 4am, so i clean the poop, literally and spiritually. My kind wife brings the napisan cleaner, the stain remover from the cold laundry downstairs. Im grateful for any and all kindness!
Our sick dog toby, survived the night, so no emergency dash to sydney university animal hospital, our fantastic vet and friend assessed toby yesterday and is exploring the cause of severe fluid in the lung cavities. He joked that we should try pete's cancer treatments on our dog.
My wife lets the dieing dog sleep with her but I am banned, I see some kindness in her actions but she is blind to the needs of her husband, another wonderful night sleeping with my son. The amazing yoga and qigong training allows me to store my boundless love and energy for other friends for another time. I remember what romantic love is, in fact I was singing a few nights earlier with a stunningly beautiful super mum with a very compassionate soul.
her daughter after dinner an angel described me as nice and smart. she joked that I need the complimnet of good looking to have 3 out of 3 highly desirable features. I joked back that with this cancer illness and the progression and my current challenge Ill take 2 out of 3 any day. we smiled and the warmth of love and care filled the car.
I joke that Im like the man lost in the dessert, dieing of thirst. Alas my wife has no water, but from the amazing friends god delivers to me I receieve unexpected kindness, indeed love beyond anything physical, thats impossible as Im back on high cimetidine alas to save my ass.
I really really thought my liver rock solid, 5 ultrasounds, 3 different operators and 3 times advanced contrast up to the day before massive open liver surgery, could see no activity,
That shows the truth, and how susceptible we are to inflammation. God what lessons to learn from my mistakes.
I look back and reflected. I begged here in sydney a few times here for post operative liver surgery care, from local surgeons. fork off they said in not as many words. I got my first appointment with australian surgeon on the 31st august, i begged the day after I arrived home on the 7th july. Compare that to the email to german doctors in yesterdays blog.
I sent that ereport from rpa hospital asap to the key players in german team, my inspirational friend gets back to within 4 hours I booked for surgery the 2nd september.
To illustrate the difference between German and Australian Medicine I sent my pet scan report to my German team just before I went in to watch a movie called the sausage party with my wonderful friend after the movie I had a reply from Professor scheduling my surgery any told me things were manageable don't panic.
That reassurance why I smile.
Its not over yet!
IM ATTENDING THIS FANTASTIC CONFERENCE
http://ici2016.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/ICI-2016-Preliminary-Program-19082016V2.pdf
ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR THE MIRACLE I AM, I INVITED THE KIDS, BUT COULD NOT PERSUADE THEM.
That reassurance why I smile.
Its not over yet!
IM ATTENDING THIS FANTASTIC CONFERENCE
http://ici2016.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/ICI-2016-Preliminary-Program-19082016V2.pdf
ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR THE MIRACLE I AM, I INVITED THE KIDS, BUT COULD NOT PERSUADE THEM.
